can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
