I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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