I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
