dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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