When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
