oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
