I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
