I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my being single is dangerous.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
