maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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