There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
