I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We have so much sex to catch up on
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize