I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my liver is dry heaving
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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