be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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