she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
