ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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