you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize