One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
