yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize