I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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