there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
