I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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