You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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