Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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