Tell her she can't have a vagina
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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