im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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