I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
