I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
