Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drake has all the answers
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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