I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
