You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
