About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
