READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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