So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
