So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
