She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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