Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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