How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You've changed since you got that strap on
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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