and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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