my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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