chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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