Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
