Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
