You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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