This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
