May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
