If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
