One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
