Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize