either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
