And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
