I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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