New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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