Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
