You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
