We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
