I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
