Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I had your ass I would rule the world
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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