Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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