ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
