absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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