Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
