it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
