TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
