I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
