do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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