Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
