I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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