So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
