I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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