it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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