You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
