the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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