I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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